A Grand Old Invention Indeed

 

Yeah, been doing a bit of drawing for Gaming Steve forums again out of boredom and all.

Made it quite clear to them that they owe me money for these works. They laughed and said, "Good old Gauphastus. Always with the money."

 

Actually, I realize I’d forgotten something. I remember that what I just mentioned was just a dream.

The monetary demands and the forum members laughing and saying, "Good old Gauphastus. Always with the money." I mean.

 

 

But more to the point, we’re currently doing a sort of game. Some monster on opium came into the thread and vomited some sort of visual diarrhea on my screen.

I made sure to quickly redraw it. Polishing a turd, so to speak.

Another member came in shortly after and suggested the artists on the site partake in a little game of We’ll Upgrade Your Lousy Drawing You Trash.

It’s like Eat Poop You Cat, only a lot less funny.

 

Here’s what I did today.

 

 

 

I make a habit of naming every character I draw. Even if he is based on another man’s diarrhea, the revisioning is completely mine.

Not sure if that will hold up in court when the time comes, but it’s a good line for the time being. The more I type, the more it looks like I actually cared enough to write up a decent article for the page. Nobody reads this stuff anyway, so I can just say whatever I want. Your mother is so fat that when she redraws an old guy, she eats the paint instead and cannot finish the drawing; she undoubtedly feels bad, and can’t go to work due to depression. They fire her, and she can no longer support you.

So you get kicked out because your mom is fat.

 

Also, his name is Edward Cereal. He is a retired inventor having a surprise birthday party — and as with all my images, hover over for alt text.

An inventor, yes. Guess what he invented?

 

Yes, you are surely correct.

 

Thumb tacks.

 

Though history would later be rewritten to have some other jackhole named as the creator of the thumbtack, the true credit goes to Edward Cereal.

What a great man.

A miserable little prick who didn’t like our surprise party, but a brilliant man nonetheless.

 

 

 

Tune in next week when I update with an update of sorts. Coming up next: something!

 

 

Pirates of the Burning Sea beta

Played the open beta for Pirates of the Burning Sea recently.

 

Melee combat is slow, and ship to ship battles are slow. It’s a little bit below the level of pace I enjoy.

Therefore I’m going to have to pass on this one.

 

It’s not a "good idea, poorly executed" or anything. Actually, I’d go so far as to say that the game is pretty well made. Lots of customization for your character (clothes, colors, and etc.).

What’d I make? Oh, I made a pirate called Vigge Fabuloso. He is entirely clad in pink clothing.

Even his hair.

 

Every time I enter the game, I go to nation chat and say, "Hello, boys! :D".

Yesterday, they got all weirded out on me. But today, they were too busy arguing about how other MMOGs are better.

Take that as you will.

 

You know, from the first moment I heard about this game, I was kinda looking forward to it.

But after trying out the beta, I guess what little interest I had was destroyed.

 

 

 

I do not enjoy this game, but you might. Give it a try if you’re thinking about it.

But I will never play it again.

 

Have fun, boys! ;D

 

Third study delay

This one is turning out quite well.

There’s a problem though — after sitting here in this chair for so many hours at a time, even with all these one-day breaks in between each study session, I have unfortunately hurt the whole right side of my back.

It’s this goddamned chair. I remember when I got it and thought it was so comfortable.

"Yay, leather chair! Totally worth 200 bucks!"

 

But no, it just doesn’t work with the shape of my desk or the position of my monitor and tablet.

I’m often reclining to the extreme in this thing, putting my feet all the way up onto the window sill. I guess I just wish I could draw while laying down.

Someday I’ll have a very large flatscreen monitor. Or perhaps a Cintiq.

But for now, I develop back pain from the way I sit. Glory to me!

 

Bleh.

 

 

Whatever though. I’ll continue study three when my back stops being a whiny pussy.

Studies (second study)

Alright, so I’ve got another.

Would have had it done yesterday, but I lost my internet connection for several hours; didn’t even think I’d be able to post it.

Still, I could have done it anyway. I guess I didn’t feel like doing it.

When you’re as slow and inefficient as I am with artwork related things, it takes a lot more effort to get it done. Hell, even small parts take me forever.

 

 

Well, enough about that.

Let’s see what we got today.

 

I did a bikini model, something about Victoria’s Secret. The source page I got it from was Russian or sometink.

Anyways, here you have it.

 

 

Now your eyes might be drawn to some problem areas. Perhaps that flat and dull looking gut, or.. I don’t know.. the FACE.

For your information, I did not do the face because that would take me forever. I’d have to do the mouth and eyes and all that.

Also, the head is a bit too big and I didn’t care to fix it.

Not this time, gents.

 

As for the gut, I had several problems there. It’s funny what I notice now that I’m doing this —

Like a single misplaced stroke on the stomach makes it look like something’s about to burst out from it.

So after very lightly shading it (flat), I kind of just moved on.

 

 

Yeah, yeah. I know there are many problems. No doubt I can note them all.

But you know, even with all the uncorrected mistakes, I still take a lot from this exercise. I even used a few ( small) things I learned from the previous study intuitively.

 

… I think…

 

And again, keep in mind that these are just exercises. I’m not aiming for complete accuracy.

I’m not doing this so I can paint still life or whatever — so just never you mind.

 

 

Let’ see. I started by attempting the shading under the left arm there.

Just couldn’t get it at first. It looked horrid.

So I erased it and moved to the right arm. It took me a while, but eventually I figured out how to get it to look at least partly right.

I then went over to the left arm. Please note the difference in color between the arms; at this point I decided to add just a pinch more red.

It really shows, to me anyway.

Did the legs, then the stomach, the chest, returned to the underarm area, and half-assed the face.

There you have it.

 

Oh, right. I didn’t want to do the bikini either. Minor details I’m not really wanting to do just yet.

 

 

I had fun with this one.

Now it’s time to scour the net for my next study.

 

 

Now please leave before you have an ‘accident’.

 

Studies (first study)

Following some advice given by several different tutorials now, I’ve begun to do "studies" wherein I take a photo of something or someone on the internet and digitally paint or sketch it.

The point is to help the student come to an understanding of how lighting and shapes work.

And looking at my comics there and the crap I’ve drawn in the past (not posted here or anywhere), I definitely need this particular kind of training.

 

I already feel as though I’ve learned a little.

I guess.

 

In any case, I’ve decided that every time I complete a study (that is, call it quits because the goddamned things take like six hours plus) I will post it here.

Regardless of whether or not it is complete, embarassingly bad (or good…), or whatever.

 

Note that for the purpose of gaining any skill at all, I will not trace or sample colors from the source image. This forces me to eyeball it and fine tune my sense of shape and color.

 

 

I will post the source image and then my completed study.

Enjoy these first few weeks of utter failure until I "get it". 😀

 

 

..Christ, I hope it doesn’t take years like it does for some people…

 

 

 

I still don’t quite understand a few things, but I’ll get them someday.

 

Didn’t wanna do the shirt. Even if I were to ignore all the stripes, the folds are really kinda hard to see.

And yes, CocaCo is all I could fit on the damn bottle. I tried to fix it about five times before giving up and moving on to something important.

Next time, I won’t waste time on small crap like that.

Eh, but this one was mostly for fun anyway.

Tomorrow, I’ll probably do one of some chick in a bikini or some crap.

 

Or maybe I’ll find out who this guy is and get him to wear one.

I BET YOU GUYS WOULD JUST LOVE THAT, HEY??

 

 

If you’ll excuse me (but even if you won’t, eat my ass), I’m gonna go have a nice tall glass of CocaCo.

Kindly escort yourselves out of my blog.

 

 

 

Helpful goddamn site, run by a professional  —  http://itchstudios.com/psg/

I imagine this will come in handy too —  http://www.portrait-artist.org/

 

Resident Evil 6 (or so) preview

As you all know, I’m in pretty good with the Capcom International development studio located in New York; it’s Capcom Japan’s home away from home and all.
This group is simply astonishing, with their work reaching far into the future of many franchises.
Various someday-to-be tidbits of Megaman Legends, X, and others. Devil May Cry is going to continue on its crazy ways up until what looked to be the tenth game. Brilliant stuff.

But one of my key interests was in the Resident Evil series. I’m quite fond of shooting zombies big and small, so of course I took an opportunity to stop by Capcom International a few weeks ago.

 

And for your information, my dear readers, I didn’t report about it until now because you lot are simply running me ragged on this webcomic deal. Shucks, folks. I’m glad you love it so much, but I’m of a mind to take another long break; my hands hurt after all the work I’ve put into it lately.

 

Back to the point, I recently had a chance to visit with one of their computers while they were outside waiting for the fire alarm to stop.
A short taped interview took place. However, it was damaged in the fire.

Anyways, I did manage to swipe some artwork of Resident Evil 6 (or so, I guess) and enough information to write up some informative descriptions of what you are seeing.
Ready? GO.

 

 

Jake Redfield

This is the main character, Jake Redfield. He is Chris Redfield’s long-lost brother. We don’t find this out until the end of the game.
Jake is a risk-taking goofball with a serious side when it comes to the ladies. He likes dinner and dancing, and spitting at zombies from the helicopter in that awesome fight scene after the military base.
The preceding paragraph contained spoilers.

 

Unnamed main bad guy

The main bad guy is actually never named throughout the game, but there’s a few hints dropped that he’s actually a clone of Wesker’s old friend, Jim.
He’s a scientist gone bad, and has injected himself with the AxE Virus.
Or so he thought. During an interactive cutscene before one of the endings, Jake can replace his viral canister with an aerosol can of Axe body spray. This foils the guy’s plans alright, but makes him the hottest man in the world.
After the credits, Jake is said to never get laid because all the chicks dig Jim’s clone; thus he is never able to have a child of his own.
This is known as the bad ending.

 

 

The Dongdangler

This is one of the all-new mutants in the game: the dongdangler.
As you can see, it has–

Well, moving on.

 

 

The Zombie

However…

One of the common mutants makes an appearance as a boss in this game: the zombie.
In previous games, the zombies were simple fodder. In Resident Evil 6 (or so), every zombie you see is as strong and hard to kill as any tyrant in the previous games.
Also, when you kill them, they turn into tyrants.
The game has an unprecedented level of difficulty. Why, the screenshots alone fill me with such incredible rage and frustration that I’ve about broken my fist on this desk.

 

Tits

This is the female lead character sidekick ho-bag. There was no name associated with her file other than "Tits".
I assume the name is shorthand for a full name like "Tita" or "Titania". But that’s just speculation on my part; don’t quote me.
Very little information given on her other than that she’s a failed umbrella test subject, immune to any virus.
Actually, I guess that’s pretty important information — but only if you give a damn about the story.
I just want to kill zombies, lady.

 

General Hauser

In some lame-sounding but totally awesome twist, a man calling himself General Hauser appears on the scene mid-game. Stepping out from a great blinding light, he tears open a portal in time and flings Jake into the future, where his evil is law.
You must then seek to return to the past and undo the future that is General Hauser.
Too bad it’s a simple fetch side quest at best.
And totally a rip-off of Terminator.

 

 

That’s about all I need to post I guess. There’s a lot of storyline, stage, and weapon-related art here I’m sure you guys will easily pass on. I’ll just toss it in the fire to get rid of the evidence.

 

 

And if anybody starts asking questions, I’m just some psycho who made all this stuff up in Paint.
Don’t want any trouble.

Drawcrap

It has been awhile, hasn’t it?

 

I was participating in this funny thing called a thread back on GamingSteve.com. In this one thread I was in, we were to draw (get this) artwork based on video games.

They call it "fanart". Isn’t that just the cat’s balls?

By balls, I mean tits.

Knees that is.

Or rather I should say, isn’t that the cat’s pajamas? I’m getting a few different phrasings mixed here. What a horrible predicament.

 

 

Moving on, I drew something.

http://www.gamingsteve.com/blab/index.php?topic=10636.msg442789#msg442789

or

http://gauphastus.googlepages.com/A_New_Stage_Of_History.png

 

Holy hell. Megaman and XJ-9 versus Inspector Gadget?

In Brawl?

For real?

 

Nope.

Just in my head.

You see, fanart allows you to combine the use of your imagination and $400 Wacom Intuos3 tablet to create things that do not currently exist in the world.

It’s like playing pretend, except you’re old enough to know better. Ain’t it great?

 

Like a delicious cake in the distance, my drawing teases you with the prospect of one day eating these characters.

Except not quite. That’s not what I meant at all.

You guys just don’t GET IT, do you??

 

I think we’re through here. I’ve got work to do.

I had all this time to complete this drawing, and here I am making a post about it. I should be off in the distance with the cake, teasing you with the prospect of one day eating my ass.

 

I’m working on a comic.

That is, I haven’t even started working on it. I mean I’m working on getting around to working on a comic.

So enjoy the anticipation.

 

It will be your last.

Unless I have anything to say about it.

Who am I be?

Hello, my many fans of Danc… uh, Gauphastus of Gauphastus Land’s as of yet unnamed webcomic!
I’m sure you’ve been aching, itching, perhaps vomiting, in anticipation of the next installment of my series of web comics.

Before we get to that, I want to ask you folks a question —
Do you know the author behind the madness? Do you truly know him?
I believe it’s important for fans to understand the creator of the work they enjoy; this helps them to enjoy his work that much more.
So let us start in the easiest part: what he presumably looks like.

Where in this 5000-hour MS Paint epic can you find the true visage of the very author you’ve come to adore?
The answer may surprise you.
That is unless you are me and you know the answer — but then you wouldn’t even be asking such a question because that would be downright silly.

Got a guess? An inkling? Maybe an office pool as to whom I might reveal as my image?

The answer is, of course, none. All these sketches fail to match my own physical appearance.

They’re just drawings you goofy twit. What in the hell is your problem?

Go sit in the corner. No comic for you today.
Sheesh.

Thy dungeonman

Just a very brief update for you, before I venture into the ancient catacombs below Emperor Vasotz’s palace — 

 

As you all well know, Halo 3 was released yesterday; I’m not a fan of the series or genre, so I won’t be partaking.

In other news, I seem to be under attack.

 

Blah blah something-about-the-comic-I-was-doing-and-how-I’ll-totally-get-a-strip-done-sometime-soon blah blah.

Increasingly Wealthy

As you all know, I’d a wealthy uncle. This is how I acquired a fair portion of my fortune.

I’ve spent that last few months rebuilding using much of this money, as I do believe I am quite safe to come out of total hiding.

Van Telles and his armies are nowhere to be found, leaving me to assume he has left to pursue other, much wealthier targets. Even if he learns of my survival, he will surely not dare attack me.

 

Why?

 

Oh, only because I have encased my entire body in golden armor.

(think Iron Man, only more gold, less iron, more man)

 

That nitwit  is completely in love with gold. At most, he’d merely have me stolen and added to his notoriously lame collection of golden crafts.

The armor though — it is quite heavy.

Hot too.

And oh lord, how it rides up…

 

 

In any case, I’ll get that stupid layabout to draw up a comic sometime soon; he claims to be busy painting the corridors as per my whining, but there’s no reason he can’t multitask. If he needs to be in two places at once, he had damn well better get started crafting a duplicator; I had once read in the paper that a mere six-year old child made one out of a cardboard box, so it can’t be all that difficult.

I take too much guff from members of my employ; I believe some spankings are in order.

I’ve simply got to keep all you fans off my back, lest you get bored and rambunctious. I’ll not have a riot on my property.

 

Not before I’ve installed attack dog-launchers to my outer walls.

 

 

Note to self — install the launchers and begin sending out housewarming invites.